notes from the nice side of the fence

the following is a personal example of a process of self-inquiry using the four questions and turnarounds that make up The Work of Byron Katie. this method is used on thought patterns that I can identify as bringing some kind of stress into my life. the questions are simple, and the answers come from careful introspection and meditation rather than logic and judgment. the turnarounds are not a way of seeking to void my thinking, but rather to explore neglected aspects of reality that may relax my attachment to my own painful stories. as you read the questions, pause and slowly go in to see what is true for you. if you do not relate to this particular thought, see if you can think instead of a person in your life that you have found to be domineering or controlling.

for more information, visit www.thework.com

Israel is becoming a fascist state.

is it true?

yes! they are promoting horrible legislation like the biometric civil database right now. plus in many ways this already IS a fascist state, what with the occupation of the Palestinian territories and its racist agenda.

can you absolutely know that it’s true that Israel is becoming a fascist state?

yes. I’m pretty sure of it.

how do you react when you think the thought Israel is becoming a fascist state?

I get quite anxious.

I get very tense when I see police on the streets or when I read the news. I feel defiant and angry, and at the same time a part of me wants to go home and hide away.

when I go to demonstrations I notice how few people show up, same faces every time - and I use that as proof that this society is going to the dogs, that people don’t care about democracy anymore, if they ever did. I feel very desperate when I think that.

I feel my breath shortening and my limbs going limp. I start experiencing nighttime as frightening and suffocating. I get alarmed when anyone approaches me or walks behind me on the street.

I have pictures in my head from science fiction films like Children of Men and I try to figure out how I would handle a situation like that. I think about my activist friends and how powerless we all are to change anything. sometimes I avoid talking about social issues altogether because my own visions of a fascist future frighten me so much and get me really edgy and restless.

I get very impatient with my family for not taking interest in politics. I try to spend as little time as possible with them. I get really annoyed when I see my mom watching stupid television shows, and think that it’s people like her that allow our government to have its way. I see all Israelis as stupid, cynical and apathetic. I see social activists as native and ineffective. I feel lonely.

I make up an escape plan. if things get really rough, I tell myself, I’ll just fly away and seek asylum in Europe or become an academic. and then I’ll really be able to criticize my country because I won’t be under the government’s control anymore. I run different scenarios in my head and try to make sure I’m always ready to leave everything and go away. this is exhausting and means that I am never completely here.

I sometimes feel guilty for living here and paying taxes, especially while having the option of living in Europe. I think of other countries as a lot more civilized, healthy and democratic. I get myself going by thinking that I shouldn’t be dependent on this country anymore, I should not settle down here. I should not make new friends here.

I’m frightened. I feel like giving up on this country and its people. I feel victimized for having been born here. I get mad at myself for choosing to stay. I feel irritable, angry, stuck and confused.

can you see a reason to drop the thought?

well, yeah. it scares me.

can you find one good reason to hold on to this thought that is not stressful or frightening?

presumably if I hold on to this thought I would somehow be more prepared for fascism when it came, and I might be able to warn people better in the meanwhile.

and has that worked so far?

um, no. for one, I tend to be less active when I believe this story. I want to escape. and warning people, especially when I’m frightened and hostile myself, has not been proven to help.

so is there any other reason to keep this story that is not stressful?

no, there isn’t.

who would you be without this story that Israel is becoming a fascist state? who would you be if you couldn’t even think that thought?

much lighter. more active. more outspoken.

how would you treat other Israelis without the thought?

I would probably be more engaged with other Israelis, whether they’re friends of mine, activists, or just ordinary people. I would be more likely to see the good in people. I would feel safer to travel the country and meet people. I would not try to shelter myself at home and live through the internet only.

how would you treat yourself without the story?

I would not feel this burden of responsibility to save the whole country from fascism. I wouldn’t feel like I had to warn people whom I judged for not caring in the first place. I would not feel ashamed of my citizenship. I would not judge myself for choosing to stay here, and take responsibility for my life and for what I do. I would be more present. I would not feel tired and depressed after every demonstration, and I would cherish the amazing work that many people are doing here, including my friends.

turn the thought around:

>> Israel is not becoming a fascist state.

can you find at least three examples of how this statement might be true or truer than the original?

1. well, they haven’t passed the biometric database law YET. our information as citizens is still kept relatively private. and there are a few genuine human rights advocates as members of the Knesset who are working diligently at this time, not to mention the various NGOs.

2. there is a good degree of freedom of expression in this country. I get much information about what goes on in the occupied territories from some excellent bloggers, and have been participating in many inspiring public rallies on various issues in recent months.

3. in the long run, I can’t really know that that’s where things are going. the ongoing occupation and the pressures from this neo-liberal government might make it seem this way, but it is also possible that eventually a very powerful civil movement will rise up as a result. history says that things can change pretty fast.

other turnarounds?

>> I am becoming a fascist state.

1. well, yeah, especially when I think that Israel is! part of my reaction when I think that “Israel is becoming a fascist state” is to fence myself in and act out in suspicion and fear, seeing other citizens as my enemies. so that’s how I create my own fascist state of mind.

2. sometimes I can be pretty fascist in my own little world. when I look at my messy room or at my 2-do list I have the thought that I haven’t done enough and I really punish myself in very subtle ways, or I escape to drinking and television.

3. sometimes I get really angry at my parents or my friends for holding their views or for being ignorant, and I punish them too. I cut off my communications with them, or I kinda spy and monitor everything they say for traces of ignorance and prejudice. so I’m being a little fascist there myself.

>> the world is becoming a fascist state.

in a sense, the changes I see happening in Israel are part of global trends that can somehow be just more pronounced and obvious over here. racism, sexual prejudice, social gaps, civic surveillance, patriarchy, militarization, privatization and occupation are all things that do happen all over the world on one level or another. no economy or social movement today is really separate from any other. and in that, we’re all in the same boat. Israel is not so special. so escaping to another country may not make a whole lot of sense, especially when there is so much important work to do here and amazing people that are doing it and who can join together, without the burden of having to know where things are going in the future. and in that perspective my own presence here and the work I do feels a lot better and easier to accept, and even enjoy, for as long as I am here.

Tags: activism, inquiry, israel

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 26th, 2009 at 2:13 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.